By
Pamela Gerloff
"No
road is long with good company."
-Turkish proverb
We can
learn a lot from animals. Take elephants, for example. The
Italian educator Maria Montessori noted that when a baby
elephant is brought by its mother into the herd, the adults
slow their pace to accommodate that of the new arrival.
"When the little one is tired and stops, all stop." This
seems a far cry from our modern human society, at least
in the United States, where children are often hurried through
their days and, in fact, through their childhoods. Three-year-olds
rush off to their morning commute to preschool; seven- and
eight-year-olds gulp down lunch so they can be on time for
their next class; teenagers dash to and from extracurricular
activities so they can beef up their résumés for college.
Recently, actor Paul Newman, now 80 years old, was asked
what he would want others to know about life. He answered
that when the pace of life is so accelerated, "it's very
hard not to be dysfunctional. I think we have to slow things
down somehow."
Putting
a somewhat different spin on the idea that individual dysfunction
may be tied to broader social conditions, Dr. Peter C. Whybrow,
author of
American Mania: When More Is Not Enough,
suggests that we have become addicted to a society in which
the demand for economic growth is eroding the "intimate
social bonds that are the hallmark of our humanity and the
keys to health and personal happiness." New York Times reviewer
Irene Lacher summarized the central point of Whybrow's book
this way: ".in the age of globalization, Americans are addictively
driven by the brain's pleasure centers to live turbocharged
lives in pursuit of status and possessions at the expense
of the only things that can truly make us happy: relationships
with other people." The question arises: Amidst the mania
of our economically-driven society and our seeming compulsion
to perpetuate it, how do we restore meaningful relationships
to our lives?
If we
turn again to observing other animals, it's worth noting
that when animals are made to live in conditions unnatural
to their species, they adopt aberrant behaviors. However,
when they live in conditions more harmonious to their nature,
they exhibit what appears to be much more evolved, intelligent,
and emotionally complex behavior-and, importantly, an often
astounding capacity for relationship.
1
If this
is true of other animals, might it be true of humans as
well? And, if so, what changes might we want to make in
ourselves, our families, and our communities to help bring
out the best in all of us-remembering that, unlike other
animals, we have unprecedented control of both our own internal
choices and the external conditions we create?
This
issue of
More Than Money
brings that question to
the area of money and relationships. On the following pages
people address such questions as
How can focusing on
values help resolve money conflicts in relationships? What
allows a marriage between partners with very different financial
asset levels to thrive? What can be learned from sibling
struggles over finances when a parent develops Alzheimer's
disease? How does paying family members for chores affect
the family unit? How can local business and real estate
development be used to foster positive community relationships?
At More
Than Money we can ask these kinds of questions because we
have companions -good company-who will talk with us, think
with us, and perhaps even act with us along the way. We
are a network of good company, filled with people who want
to create a society that makes it easier for all of us to
be our natural best.
How
do we create such a society? Relationship consultant Gay
Hendricks has found that one of the keys to creating what
we want-whether it is better relationships, personal change,
or happier lives-is to commit to a process that will get
us there.
The
people on these pages are committed to a process. It's a
process of thinking together about the impact of money on
their lives, of examining external conditions and internal
beliefs and values-and understanding how the two interact,
and of taking action to enhance their own and others' lives.
Whether their stories inspire you, trouble you, call you
to action, or give you food for your own reflection, I think
you'll find these individuals to be authentic and sincere
in their quest for a meaningful life that is about more
than money. If no road is long with good company, then our
road here is short indeed.
Editorial
Policy: The views expressed in
More Than Money
magazine
are not necessarily those of More Than Money. We encourage
and support respectful dialogue among people of diverse
viewpoints. In each issue, we provide a range of perspectives
on a topic to stimulate reflection, conversation, and inspired
action.
Pamela
Gerloff, Ed.D., is the editor of
More Than Money
magazine. Her professional experience includes working as
an editor for
Highlights for Children
magazine and
as a consultant for organizational change through Cap Gemini/Ernst
& Young. She is founder and president of Compelling
Vision, a business that helps people find and live their
dreams. She holds a doctorate in human development from
Harvard University and may be reached at
.
1
The Pig Who Sang to the Moon: The Emotional World of Farm
Animals
by Jeffrey Moussaieff Masson (Random House, 2003)
© 1990-2005, More Than Money, All rights reserved